Being a parent is a special calling. When most people become parents for the first time, they don’t imagine things as they’re really going to be. You see, most new parents imagine the love, cute smiles, giggles.
And no one thinks of the difficulties and struggles they are going to face. The truth is that raising kids is a hard job. It can be emotionally and intellectually draining, and it usually needs serious professional sacrifice and financial hardship.
Kids can be needy and demanding from the moment they are born to well, forever. However, being a parent is a fantastic thing.
This means that being a parent is both bad and good at the same time. It’s good due to rewarding and life-changing experiences you will face.
And on the other hand, it’s bad because to the tantrums and stubbornness of your kids you will have to deal with. But you shouldn’t be harsh on yourself.
Mistakes are common things in all aspects of life, and you should remember that parenthood is no exception.
Parents can quickly lose their temper and start to yell at their kids. No parent wants to do that, but somewhere along the line, it happens to everyone.
Yelling and the Damage It Causes
Some parents think that physical punishment is the only thing that can scar their kids. Well, it turns out that it’s not the case since research proved otherwise.
According to one study from the year 2014 published in the Journal of Child Development households which have constant instances of shouting lead to kids with lower self-esteem and higher rates of depression.
Once you think about it, you will realize that it makes sense. The issues linked to physical punishment are known. However, parents that would never want to hit their kids may still resort to yelling when the kids are pushing the limit.
Parents might yell at their children in order to try and stop them from doing certain things they don’t like by making the kids feel bad about what they are doing and about themselves.
But, the truth is that yelling is unproductive as a discipline technique. It doesn’t matter how loud they are or how intimidating parents sound, yelling doesn’t make them look authoritative and it doesn’t lead to any positive progress.
And to be honest, if you are yelling then it means that you’re weak. Yelling is the response of an individual who doesn’t know what else to do and how to handle the situation.
It is shown that yelling makes results similar to physical punishment in kids: raised levels of depression, anxiety, and stress along with raise in behavioral issues.
To make things clear, yelling in order to stop your kids from running into the street isn’t what we are talking about. We are paying attention to yelling as a form of correction.
You see, yelling as a form of correction is ineffective, and it just imprints this habit of yelling onto the kids. Usually, parents shout at their kids over the same stuff every single day.
And sometimes parents yell even more due to the fact that the original yelling does not work. Come down for dinner. Don’t touch the dog. Put your clothes away. Stop fighting with your brother.
Moreover, this can only teach the kids to expect to be yelled at later in their adult life. Also that it is completely fine to yell at close ones.
If You’re a Parent Who Yells at Your Kids, You Need to Rethink Your Discipline Strategies
If you’re a parent and your child often does some things which make you mad, worried or disappointed, there are high chances you are yelling at them. However, the trick is to respond effectively; you should definitely rethink all your discipline strategies.
Alan Kazdin, a professor of psychology and child psychiatry at Yale talk on this topic. He explains that yelling is bad and it doesn’t help.
In case you want to change something in your child or develop a good habit in them, harsh verbal discipline such as shouting isn’t the right way. As a matter of fact, it turns out that there are more effective and better strategies in order to do so.
Yes, the truth is that there are times when yelling at your kid is needed such as them running into traffic, getting into a fight and so on, but most instances of shouting are really unnecessary.
What you should do is replace yelling with positive/negative reinforcement. When they do something wrong, do not yell at them.
Instead try to keep a coherent, calm conversation and explain to them why what they did was wrong and help your kids to develop appropriately.
Moreover, when your kids do something right remember to reward them. You reward them by encouraging their good behavior, smiling at them and praising them.
You should bear in mind that this technique of negative/positive reinforcement will help you protect your and their physical, emotional and mental health.
Finally, discipline techniques need to be about effectiveness. They need to be about getting through the day while trying to get your children to do what you want and not do what you do not wish to.
Always remember that praise works and punishment does not!