Staying friends with an ex may not be a smart idea and it may end up bad for you or your partner.
Can you imagine staying friends with your ex? Yes, you may feel like being around them all the time. One thing stands for sure. That’s not the way to go.
Post-romance friendship may give you a big headache. You may end up dealing with problems. Will you sacrifice your well-being to stay around the person who hurt you?
Let’s see things from a different angle. Imagine staying friends with your ex who is madly in love with you. There’s a really big possibility for you to break their heart. Again.
Is this relationship normal? A recent study has shown that staying friends with exes may indicate a deeper issue. Are you a psychopath? Is your ex a psychopath? That’s what science suggests.
Experts at Oakland University conducted a study and published it in Personality and Individual Differences. They analyzed the personality traits of 861 people and their private life. Participants answered questions about their past relationships. They had to answer if they had stayed close with their exes. After this phase, participants received a questionnaire for narcissistic and psychopathic qualities.
According to the results, participants with personality traits similar to psychopaths are more likely to stay close to their ex.
Do you know that psychopathy is a form of antisocial personality disorder? It describes people with personality traits similar to narcissists and sadists. Selfishness and lack of empathy are some of the traits. Psychopaths often display a serious form of these traits. Everything they do is self-motivated.
Psychopaths employ false charm and maintain a strategic “relationship” with their ex even after the breakup. Why would a psychopath stay in a relationship with an ex? Well, it may be for intimacy, money, or information.
Psychopaths can’t even imagine seeing their ex with someone else. Sometimes they use their charm to keep their ex for themselves.
“Dating is hard enough without everyone thinking that every time your ex wants to stay friends that they have psychopathic tendencies or motivations in mind,” Dr. Paulette Sherman, a psychologist and author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out’.
“Having said this, it is an interesting finding in that it points to the intentions of some people for continuing that relationship. They may be interested in doing so for selfish motives like continuing access to sex, information, or other practical gains. They may not be thinking of the emotional impact on their ex.”
The expert also advises readers not to see all exes as psychopaths
“Having said this, I have seen some clients choose to stay friendly or friends with their ex for normal and even altruistic reasons. These clients want the best for their ex, they enjoy their company and know how to have clear healthy boundaries regarding being friends and not having sex or making unreasonable demands.
Many times they are no longer attracted to one another, are both in other relationships, and respect those respective partners. This is not always an easy thing to do but it can happen and it’s important not to think that all exes who want to stay friends have psychopathic tendencies or motivations.”
It’s up to you to evaluate the situation. Maybe your ex is just trying to get something from you. Maybe they are really into helping you.